It’s a Bat-tastrophy.

by on 23/08/2013
 

Where were you when it happened? Were you enjoying your evening, blissfully unaware of what was to come? Or did you hear the news when you woke? Should that be the case, consider yourself fortunate, for last night’s slumber may well be the last rest you get.

Of course I’m talking about the Batman casting news. Yes, it’s official: Ben Affleck will be the new Batman – the Bat-fleck, if you will.

And where was I when I heard? I’d just gotten home from a long day at work. When I read the news, I checked to make sure it was not, in fact, April Fools. Work days are long, certainly, but apparently, I was more willing to believe I’d somehow auto-piloted through several months before I could believe this announcement.

Let’s itemize the issues that arise with the coming of the Bat-fleck: 

  1. He’s very much a known actor, and with that comes the risk that we’ll not see Batman, but rather Ben Affleck in a Batman suit. While fame isn’t an automatic kiss of death (certainly people knew Keaton before he donned the suit), Affleck isn’t typically cast in parts such that we can easily see him transitioning to a Batman role. Unless we talk about…

      2. Daredevil.

BenAffleckWants 

I’m not sure I have to elaborate on that.

  1. The interaction between Batman and Superman is less than overly friendly. In comics, we see a lot of sarcastic Bat-remarks and banter. There’s a struggle for dominance, and more often than not, Batman implies Superman is the less qualified superhero. I don’t think I can believe this coming from Affleck; nothing about him screams “dominant” to me.
  1. There were better options. Batman must be believably charming, dark, highly intelligent, and ever so slightly disturbed. When I picture Affleck playing anything remotely edgy, I just see him making an angry face. This is insufficient Batman-ing. Honestly, I was hoping we’d get an Ian Somerhalder Batman. The nicest thing I can say here is, “Well, at least it’s not Ryan Gosling.”
  1. We have to believe Affleck can do this to Henry Cavill: BatmanvSuperman
  2.  Wil Wheaton said it best:

Wil Wheaton

In the end, while we can hope for a response to the public outcry (as we saw from Microsoft with the Xbox One debacle), it seems acceptance is our best option. Am I at this step yet? No, not entirely. Should we create a recovery program to help us all cope with this traumatic, emotionally scarring, and abominable news? Perhaps. As with any great tragedy, we must stand together in our mourning. And with this thought in mind:

Hold me.

Hold me.

Take heart, boys and girls. Together we shall overcome.

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