Zombie Apocalypse? What do I wear?
So it’s the Zombie Apocalypse you’ve been dreaming of all your life, but what are you going to wear? Here is a guide to what I think is the best, yet stylish outfit for you to wear day in day out for probably the last few days, weeks if you’re lucky or months, if you have a really really good plan, rest of your life.
The Jacket is a must!
I have enjoyed Walking Dead but man they do some dumbass sh*t that gets them killed. The one huge mistake they are making bugs the crap out of me. Amy didn’t need to die her death could have been avoided if any of them had actually stopped and thought – zombies like to bite. She got bitten on the arm! A fate that would not have come to be if she had been wearing a jacket.
Why on earth are people walking round in a zombie apocalypse with bare arms?? I get that they may get hot but I’d rather be sweaty then a rotting, decaying smelling undead corpse. So my personal number one rule is COVER YOUR SKIN. Plate armour is simply ridiculous, in an undead apocalypse manoeuvrability is an essential and as any roleplayer knows leather offers an armour plus and no human alive or undead can easily bite through leather without a sustained period of gnawing. If you get yourself into a situation where sustained gnawing is possibility, you’re pretty much screwed anyway. Leather is wipe clean, always a bonus.
White t-shirt would be my option for under the jacket. You don’t want anything to insulating like a jumper or
long sleeves, the amount of running you’re going to have to do means you will quickly increase your body temp and fainting from heat exhaustion mid flee is not an option. Obviously if you’re in Alaska or the Outer Hebrides a jumper may be appropriate, I do ask that you use a little of your own common sense. The colour is important, white or other light colours are essential, yes they stain easily but that’s the point, when bashing zombie brains it’s good to know where zombie brain splatter has landed. Dark colours my mask potentially infectious matter putting you and the weird dude who keeps stealing your clothes at risk.
It should go without saying, I hope, that skirts of any kind are a no no. Keep them legs covered! My choice here is hard, instinct says leather trousers, but then it’s easy to look like a dick in head to toe leather, plus getting them on and off when you’re drenched in the sweat of your adrenalin fuelled escape is really hard and baby powder is not something I would expect anyone to have as standard in their zombie survival pack. So my choice is good old fashioned jeans, not jeggings, but hard wearing comfy yet stylish jeans or another option is cargo pants, but good proper military style pants with those extra handy pockets.
Absolutely NO HEELS! Whilst I appreciate how handy they may be for stabbing a zombie straight through the eye, the potential for having to break into a sprint at a moment’s notice outweighs a heeled shoes usefulness as a weapon. I’m also saying no the any form of canvas shoe, sandal, Crocs. My choice is a big sturdy boot, preferably with a steel toe cap ideal for brain destroying head stomping and mostly waterproof and hard wearing.
- Scarf – offers some neck protection plus mouth covering options to avoid splatter. Also allows you to brighten your outfit a little, have a range of colour options for the change of seasons.
- Leather gloves – again skin protection though ensure gloves have a good grip, you don’t want your axe flying from your beautifully shiny leather clad hands at the worst possible moment.
- Belt – Keeps your jeans up and items can be tied to it for that extra storage D&D style. Also gives you the option of a badass belt buckle to finish off your awesome zombie fighter look.
Ladies be sure to pick up a good sports bra there’s a lot of running involved in surviving zombies, though why these people never get themselves a bike is beyond my comprehension.
Also tie your hair back, better still opt for a shorter look, it’ll be all the rage in a world with limited shampoo and conditioning supplies.
One of the best things about all of these items is they are easy to source. Many people already have many of these things and those who don’t can make a quick, no doubt, action packed but ill-fated raid of your local shopping centre. Just be sure to take some friends as bait, if zombie movies have taught us nothing else we know that ‘supply’ runs will always result in at least one member of the party being munched on.
So there it is! My recommended outfit for the zombie apocalypse, practical yet badass and hopefully if you’re doing it right you’ll end up looking like this awesome dude but without those very useful adamantium claws or mutant healing factor.