“Tickets Please” The guy shouts as he traverses his way through the heaving masses. Pregnant lady, nearly giving birth where she stood offers her ticket with a friendly smile. “Tickets please” he moves up the queue towards me; weaving in and out of the standing horde. It was then, whilst rummaging for my money, that I started noticing another extremely irksome trait a lot of the passengers were displaying , this time towards the conductor.
This guy is just trying to do his job, asking to see peoples tickets, but yet the vast majority, sitting down I might add, looked at him like he’d walked into their childrens play ground and asked if they minded if he watched, took photos and touched himself inappropriately. One chap in particular actually got annoyed with the conductor, tutted, huffed and rolled his eyes, then got his ticket out and pretty much through it at his face. I felt like grabbing the conductor’s ticket machine and smashing the guys face in with it…You know that quote from Mallrats “THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS AN ASSHOLE!” has never been more aptly proved…. go to your calm place Matthew.. You’re in a forest, with Heather Loclear…. I reframed from any such mindless violence, calmed myself and continued standing there in silence.
Finally Piccadilly train station came into sight and the whole ordeal was over… or was it? The final part of my induction into train travel, and now one of the reasons I’ll probably drive everywhere and not drink, is when the train stopped and I was stampeded off ; people sitting down feeling that because they had the seats that they had the right to be off first as well; A guy banged into me and dropped the poppy I had on my lapel. It was his fault of course but being the upstanding gentleman I am, I apologised. It was what happened next that nearly sent me in to a Hulk Green Rage! This guy, said nothing; looked at me; looked at the poppy on the floor, kicked it and then proceeded onwards on his day to day savagery! I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do, the whole journey was like a really bad anti -PSA and this just added to the proverbial icing on the cake!
WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE!? I’m not an angry person (a lover not a fighter) but after that train journey I could have seriously set fire to every single person (bar the poor pregnant lady) on it and felt no remorse; part of me might have actually felt like he’d done the world a favour. Have we sunk so low that we are now reverting back to animalistic traits of kill or be killed.. This is survival of the fittest taken to its worst extreme surely? I have no doubt some of these people are perfectly nice in their day jobs and when they go home to their kids but that doesn’t mean that as soon as they get on a train they have to turn in to JO THE WONDER NOB! Special abilities: being able to stare at my I-phone for the entire journey without looking up once; the ability to berate the conductor for not being telepathic and the ability to cut base human emotions out of their commute.
I beseech you my fellow geeks, don’t be one of these people. No matter how bad a day you are having, make sure you show decorum and manners. If there is an elderly or pregnant lady without a seat, give her yours; if there is a person on the train giving grief to the conductor, smash his face in….. You see what public transport has done to me! GAAAAAAA
That Geeks and Geekettes is what Grinds my Gearys
